My pornography use was the background sin while every other hard thing happened in our family. It was, in a very sick way, like an anchor. A marriage ended. Another began. More kids. My second (and forever) wife asked me a couple times if I ever struggled with pornography and of course I said no. Then she would dream that I was using it, and I would throw it back in her face. How could you!? I would white knuckle it here and there, trying to stop. In all my adult life, I might have gone a month at most and then I’d give in. I could not stop. I believed I needed and deserved it.