Words Darren Thornberry

February found a cohort of And Sons pals intentionally committing to a singular practice that brings life: Year 2 of the February Experiment. “Maybe it's running a mile every day, or playing an instrument, or writing for 15 minutes,” says Sam Eldredge. “Whatever it is, the goal is to do it every day for the month. We are all in it together, so there's the bonus of not wanting to let the group down when it's a hard day and you just don't want to do it.”

Some of us have a hard enough time committing to brush our teeth twice a day, and yet we long to engage and mature in practices that stir the heart. So, with the best intentions to be disciplined, focused and dialed in, we tackled FebEx 2. How’d it go? A few kind souls share their experiences here.

Dan Zehner - Lafayette, Indiana

My FebEx plan was to write 500+ words per day each weekday. I ended up missing one day, I think, but made up for it with a couple of 2,000-word marathons. The ultimate goal was to get to over 50,000 words on my book manuscript (I've been working on it since October) and I got up to 52k words! The key takeaway was just enjoying the journey rather than worrying about the result. Also to take my own medicine ... I wrote a lot about keeping your eyes on the prize in the midst of hardship, slowing down to connect with God and others, and taking physical training seriously. And I've been guilty of falling down on all of that lately. I would definitely do it again. It's a great reset!
We should do a challenge each month! Maybe not the same intensity as the FebEx, but something to bring a mindset shift. Happy to help with ideas there, I've got ... more than a few.

Ben Knight - Corinth, Mississippi

For FebEx ‘22, I decided that after work each day, as soon as I walked in the door, I'd put my phone away and be completely present with my wife and kids. While I didn't complete the goal for the full 28 days, I felt that I had a great experience. Putting my phone down and focusing on my family and being present was much needed. There were lots of good wrestling matches with my kids, conversations with my wife over family dinner and just time sitting down without something in my hands to distract me. When my wife and I had our Valentine's Dinner date, she even mentioned how she had noticed a difference-- talk about some much-needed words of affirmation! Never before have I seen just how sacred time at home spent with family can be. It was so restorative. But I also realized just how opposed Satan is to the home.

Two days into FebEx, I no sooner got home and put my phone down when I heard the notorious "BRRR BRRR" of a phone's vibration. "I'll just check it before I set it down" and that was a big mistake. Some work issues popped up that needed to be dealt with (I say that sarcastically - they could have waited until the next day), and I dealt with them. I felt like such a failure because my momentum was halted before it even got going. I mentioned this to the Discord server the next day and they were awesome; they offered support and suggestions on how to fix the issue, and I got right back on the horse. It went much better after that. This pushed me to be a better, more intentional man, and that's what the And Sons Tribe is all about! After seeing how restorative this was with my family, I want to protect this time and guard it fiercely. I gained new insight on the sanctity of the home. I loved it.

Kate - England

February. Sounds like a good month for an experiment, as it’s short. Also, here in England, it’s cold and wet and dark and I can’t get out in the garden, so I’ve got time that would normally be spent on something else. I asked Jesus what I should do for it, and listened. (I’ve got seriously good at that over time!) And what he said was: “Do something creative, every day, for a couple of hours. Something for yourself that you want to do for the joy of it, and not as something to give away. And you don’t have to finish any of the things. No outlines, no deadlines. And invite me into it.” Choosing what to do? The only difficulty was picking which of many things I’d love to do. More listening, but this time to my heart. This sounds like a pretty idyllic experiment. Except there’s a back story … isn’t there always? Back in May 2021, Jesus had asked me to invite him into something else. Into the four years of undiagnosed post-natal depression from some 20 years earlier. Key word there: undiagnosed. So, for those four years I hadn’t been able to work out why I couldn’t connect with God any more, hear him for myself, why I didn’t feel happy, didn’t enjoy reading my bible any more … Why my spiritual life had suddenly derailed.

And when it was finally diagnosed, it was just all about: “Now get on with the rest of your life.” Misinterpretation? What’s that? Agreements? What are they? (Actually, those things were everywhere after those four years.) But The Sacred Romance had only been out for a couple of years back then, and I never came across a copy.

So that was May 2021. Invite me into this thing from your past … Fast-forward to February 2022 (and if it was a film then you’d be fast-forwarding through some major battle scenes, as we broke agreements, took down strongholds, booted out unwanted spirits) and it sounds like I’m actually going to be doing something peaceful and calm. That won’t involve all the PND stuff.

Ha! Rookie mistake! Because there is a beautiful economy in all that Jesus does in our lives. Nothing is wasted. Not even our pain.

February. Sounds like a good month for an experiment. Except that February also holds the anniversary of my greatest loss and my deepest grief. And choosing joy turned out to be unexpectedly linked to grief. It was so hard to invite Jesus into doing things for joy! That was my first discovery. But this was something I used to be good at doing, never had a problem with doing. Now it was like trying to force open a spring-loaded fire door. Every time I let go, it just slammed shut again. And I realized: inviting Jesus into joy is so closely linked to inviting him into sorrow. And just as vulnerable.

Second discovery was closely related: that I’d gone for coping strategies and anesthetics big time during the PND years. After all, isn’t that what Being A Good Christian looks like? I can handle anything that comes my way? Because I’ve got Jesus? I don’t need to bother other people (and they don’t want to be bothered anyway). And I realized: coping strategies are meant for emergencies. Short-term use only. And Jesus moves and meets us through others, so the I-have-to-do-it-on-my-own theology actually means that I am supposed to do it without Jesus. Which just doesn’t sound right somehow.

I chose three main projects for the February experiment: designing a board game that I’d had in my head for a while, doing some stuff with Lego and making up a sewing pattern I’d bought just for the fun of making it one day. And the same themes came up with all of them in different ways.

Pieces. Things being cut up into pieces, broken into pieces, even ripped into pieces, and how much it hurt when something whole was shattered. And could I trust Jesus to put the pieces back together, make something new from the shattered parts?

Story. A game needs a story for it to make sense. I need my story for my life to make sense, or I don’t know how to live it. What’s my current Really Scary Book? Dan Allender’s To Be Told.

Instructions. This was a big one. I realized just how much part of me just wanted to find the instruction sheet and follow the instructions and Get It Right. Because if I Got It Right, then …Then you would be pleased with me, Jesus. Then you would like me, love me. Then I would be protected from being hurt. Then everything would fit together properly. And be beautiful.

But this is wanting to live under law, because under law is safe. Whilst grace is wild and free. And actually I’m not mad about having to stick to the rules anyway. Doesn’t go with creativity at all. I ended up with questions (the whole thing ended up on a question) and the questions were:

What do I do with my broken pieces? How do I work out the story you are telling in my life? How do I build well?

But then these questions changed, deepened, into the real questions underneath the surface ones. What are you doing with my broken pieces, Jesus? I’ve given them to you, but can I trust you with them? Will you write a good story? I’ve let you in, said you can have my life, but can I trust you with it? Never mind how you’re doing it, are you rebuilding me at all? It doesn’t feel like destruction, but it does feel like deconstruction nearly all of the time.

Would I do it FebEx again? Yes, in a heartbeat. Did it draw me closer to Jesus? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Yes, actually, doing the things was fun. Am I going to keep this practice in my daily life? Oh yes.

Matthew Knowlton - Dallas, Texas

I’ll be honest and say when I started the FebEx™️, I didn’t really have a solid plan. I jumped on board wanting to add to my list of accomplishments and be one of the “cool guys who does stuff with And Sons/WAH”. Lol. Right before starting, I decided that it should be something “good” like reading, so I started reading more in the mornings to see how it turned out. The issue with this was that like many other things in life recently, God revealed that these accomplishments are idols, and he quickly showed me how my efforts were in vain.

Instead of continuing to do something just for the sake of finishing, I felt being called to do, well ... nothing. And by this I mean God was specifically calling rest and grace into my life by doing less “stuff”. To intentionally sit with him in rest made me lonely and uncomfortable, but throughout this process God revealed how I’ve created a barrier, almost like a thick glass pane, between us. I’ve been able see him and how he watches and cares for me, but I haven’t heard him or touched his hand because the glass was too thick. This showed me that not only have my accomplishments made me distant from God, but they’ve also made me hateful towards myself. And by extension hateful towards others.

A key takeaway here is that to rest well with God means to be intimate with him, and to allow God to have grace for me and to also HAVE that grace for myself allows me to be graceful to others. Adding more accomplishments doesn’t always help! I want to be more like my dog. Just chillin’ and enjoying the world God created.

Patrick Krook - Lake Villa, IL

My FebEx plan was to journal, in my newly acquired Pause Journal, once in the morning and once in the evening. Journaling the Pause turned Prayer into conversation with God, made it easier to see patterns day-to-day of what I was letting in, what I was focusing my attention on. The worries, the fears, the big things I could not control, and those things I knew I was supposed to do but was actively avoiding. The morning session was most useful in setting my sight right… getting in the right mindset with and for God. I designated a chair, the journal next to it. This would be the first place I would go in the morning with some water to drink. I drink water throughout the day. So each sip would be a touchstone to this prayer time. That seemed to work okay until evening, when chaos reigns in the house, mostly teenagers being difficult and one or both of us parents upset by the latest thing. This is what the evening journal session is mostly about. That is also the most difficult time of day to Journal, the scene is different, the bedroom instead of the quiet chair, exhaustion instead of looking to a new day.

These sessions with God are the ones I skipped most often, and sorely missed. If I were to change or improve anything, it would be optimizing the habit of the evening Pause Journal. I have noticed when I miss a day that I am more distractible, drained, and dry. It is one of those things that you don’t know how beneficial it is until you miss. I’ll miss an evening session, or a day, but never two days. I received the most wonderful affirmation during FebEx, “I dine on abundance even while surrounded by the shadows of death, for God, He cares for me.” Tomorrow is a new day and I can start afresh not focused on those shadows, but the abundance God has laid before me.

I would do it again in a hot second. I’d like to work it into my existing routine as a matter of fact. Tip: Don’t beat yourself up over missing a session or a day, but never miss two.

Sam Eldredge - And Sons

I chose to journal every day. Last year I ran a mile each day, but this year I felt that I needed to intentionally create some space for reflection, giving stresses over to Jesus, and to declutter my mind. I was able to do every day, save one, and that included a family vacation. Looking back, I am grateful for the forced rhythm, as I have pretty much dropped it the moment it was March. There is just something powerful when you know you are doing something together. Even when we are not all in the same place or choosing to do the same thing, we were all choosing to seek a new rhythm for the month of February, and I loved it.

Editor’s Note: Vol. 8 of And Sons Magazine is around the corner. Ride with us here.